How did you find your way to trail running?
About a dozen years ago I was struggling with a patella femoral knee issue in triathlon training.
In PT and working with my coach, my gait and turnover was a focus and several of my running friends suggested trail running to help with that turnover – trails would encourage me to pick up my feet more. As I explored that possibility I met some great people, found that the trails and nature encouraged my spirit and felt better on my knees. Slowly I moved away from triathlons and began to more fully enjoy trail running.
What is one of your favorite ITR memories?
I loved the early years of IT 100 and helping with ITR’s basecamp there. Not a specific memory but just the joy of seeing the runners accomplish their goals and getting to come alongside them in that. I also love a memory of driving down to one of the fun runs and doing karaoke in the car with friends to an old Air Supply song, complete with dramatic flair, and laughing so hard our faces hurt.
What are your favorite trails?
I love the camp creek/fall creek loop at Fort Ben. This time of year the woodland phlox is blooming and some years it covers the whole hillside in a pop of purple. There’s also the “mini horseshoe bend” on that trail. See if you spot it next time you’re there! (admittedly, it’s a stretch!) At Eagle Creek, my favorite route is the land bridge with the bump out mile loop that intersects the bird sanctuary. Attach the Lilly Lake loop and it makes a wonderful fall 4-miler with lots of color when the leaves are turning.
You are currently coming back from a knee injury and not able to run. How have you maneuvered your way through that?
It has been a difficult year. The loss of a favorite activity like running isn’t just about the activity.
It’s about the people you do it with, so it also includes a loss of quality time with friends. It is about why you do it, so running as a coping mechanism for stress and a way to get outdoors and enjoy nature was lost from my toolbox. It felt like grieving a death. But because many don’t understand what it’s like to lose running in your life, it was a death that had no obituary or funeral. And because it’s easy to define ourselves by what we do and our relationships in those activities, it also felt as if I had lost my identity. I felt shattered into a million pieces as the months progressed and each new strategy failed.
I haven’t run a full mile since last February. I ran/walked until July when starting PT, I put all running on hold. We tried non-surgical options through December until we realized that nothing was working. Soon it hurt to even walk and I could no longer even hike the trails. Limping limited my movement so much that even daily routines were affected.
The last weeks in December and the first weeks in January were dark days for me. Navigating insurance, health care and making a timely decision before I injured myself more with chronic limping felt all-consuming.
Finally, in early April, a year from when I first sought out solutions to the pain, I had a scope done that seemed to have resolved the issue. Each day I find myself able to do something new that I realize I have been able to do for months. I finally have glimpses of hope, for which I am so grateful.
Currently, I’m working on bilateral strengthening as one knee did all the work for a year while the other knee is surrounded by atrophied muscles. There are no promises that I will run again, but this rare condition was both idiopathic and is unlikely to return (from the limited research).
How would you encourage people who are struggling through an injury and sidelined from doing what they love?
Give yourself grace – know that you did the best you could and when you found a space you hadn’t, you remedied it. I tend to feel like a poser as an athlete. So times when I’m injured I feel | “didn’t do it right,” – didn’t listen to my body, follow the right protocols, telling myself “Real athletes know how to find the right answers and get fixed.” During this long and frustrating injury, I felt deficient. Less than. Broken.
I had to rewire my self-talk with the messaging that I did the best I could with the information I had. That I was being faithful to my PT and other protocols offered to me.
That I was listening to my body and if I overdid something, I noticed and adjusted. And I was doing everything | could to research and seek out medical advice to find the right solutions.
Sometimes this included rewiring others’ pep talks with this messaging as well.
Sometimes, I found it was best to not talk about my injury when I was feeling raw, because I could easily become hurt by a benign comment.
Find creative ways to continue the relationships that make the sport meaningful to you – As I shared above, one of the griefs to process while I was injured was the loss of time spent so regularly with good friends. Not being able to join friends on the Wednesday evening trail runs and special events or my Saturday morning road running friends from my triathlon group I was in years ago was heartbreaking to me. But I found ways to stay connected to these groups. I would go to the Y to plank with my road running friends after their run, even as it was hard to know I just missed out on 90 minutes of laughter and sharing. I would hike when possible with my trail friends, or do my PT exercises during the main run loop. I would go to coffee dates, social gatherings, or sometimes go to events even if just to sit and visit and not run. Even just our Wednesday night text group was often an encouragement to me. Friends reached out to me to check on me and find other ways to connect. So much of what got me through those months were the great friends I had made in the trail running community.
But also, Be aware of the places you can’t be because the grief will be too triggering – something else I learned from a friend who had to let go of running is that part of self care is knowing when not to show up. I knew I just couldn’t go to the Fun Run in February, as that was the middle of my dark time. Tecumseh 2023 was the first year I didn’t race the marathon since 2016 (and road marathon since 2007). I pondered going to volunteer but knew that wasn’t the right path for me. My friend who knew what it was like to have to give up running, hiked with me at Eagle Creek that day and sat with me as I took pictures of birds and generally wallowed in my grief.
Find activities that you CAN do to replace what running gave you. I found swimming with a group of my tri friends on Fridays pushed me to refresh an old skill and get that lactate threshold buzz that I needed. I found a yoga/strength class I could do if I modified which allowed me to sweat again! (oh how I missed that!). I continued to do strength training with my upper body and modified lower body workouts as needed. I met with my coach weekly to work on functional movement.
I found the deck at Eagle Creek Ornithology when I needed to be outdoors but I couldn’t walk. (It’s become my favorite sunset spot!). Nature centers and bird rooms at nearby parks also helped me fill my nature tank.
Find the friends who will sit with you in the suck, as well as encourage you to move past it. This is a shout out to the friends who met for coffee, walked when they could have run, and lent a listening ear. I don’t deserve you but I sure am glad you’re in my life!
Do you have any races or adventures you are planning?
My perspective on this type of question has changed. My targets (to achieve a certain time) have been set aside by goals (to reframe my thinking about an obstacle with a growth mindset).
This has been happening the past few years, but especially in the past year. Not only my knee, but changes in my body during menopause (I recommend the podcast Hit Play Not Pause and the book by Stacy Simms, Next Level for those who want to educate themselves in that field of information that has been so lacking in research and cultural dialogue)
Mentally, the adventure I’m planning is learning to love what is.
Physically, I’m focused on getting my body balanced so that I can run again.
Socially, supporting others in their races will probably be all that’s on my race calendar this year.
Have Banana costume and disco ball, Will Travel!
Other adventures include visiting my niece in Oregon and letting her guide us on her favorite trails, as well as reopening the gift of joy in finding local trails to hike now that I can walk without a limp.
One friend’s favorite line is “If you lose, don’t lose the lesson.” While I’ve lost a year of running, I don’t want to lose all the difficult lessons this year has brought me, folding them into any new plans for the future.
What is your bucket list trail you want to explore?
My husband and I have always wanted to hike the Grand Canyon, doing a Rim to Rim experience, with others who’ve done it before.
Closing Thoughts?
One of my favorite Mary Oliver quotes is from her book Thirst, in the poem When I Am Among the Trees:
When I am among the trees… they give off such hints of gladness.
I would say they save me, and daily.
This is what draws me to trail running: Time in the trees, that saves me daily.
And this is what keeps me there: My friendships with those who are also saved by the trees, and who come alongside to share life, in the good times and bad.